so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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