I never want to see another naked old woman again.
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize