I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Randomize