Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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