I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
