trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Randomize
