Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
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