It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
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