She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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