In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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