I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Randomize
