I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
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