so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
