You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
