It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
She has the best kind of daddy issues
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize
