THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize