Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
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