i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
