I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize