yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
