I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
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