People in love make me want to vomit
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
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