and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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