he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
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