So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
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