this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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