i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
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