One girl and one boy is just not enough.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
