i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
