They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
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