Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Randomize
