the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
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