SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
