I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
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