She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
