she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
