Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
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