and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Everclear isn't food dammit
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
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