I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
