she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
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