even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
