when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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