HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
