you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
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