i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
i think my cat just said my name.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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