Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Randomize
