Sry I called you an 8
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I want to be your penis for a week.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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