I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
