I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
