You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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