He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
they need to just BURY HIM!
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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