I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
