we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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