Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
