im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
third nipple confirmed
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize