I think i peed on brittanys purse
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
My vagina is very pro this idea
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize