How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
The air was thick with penises
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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