I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
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