i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Randomize
