So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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