you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
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