You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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