that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
I currently don't understand fingers.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize