He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
