I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Randomize
