Sponge bath it is.
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
