id be glad to
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
